May This Be My True Turning Point
By Sanjida Akter Tanny Coming from an “already” practicing family, I knew some of the rulings of Islam from a very early stage; like the regularity of prayers, importance of Hijab etc. I am a born
By Sanjida Akter Tanny
Coming from an “already” practicing family, I knew some of the rulings of Islam from a very early stage; like the regularity of prayers, importance of Hijab etc. I am a born Muslim and that was enough for me I guess, until it was this Ramadan when I realized that Allah (SWT) wanted me to call Him from my soul, not just my physical actions (prayers).
During my adolescence I encountered situations where I fell in and out of Imaan quite a number of times. There were also times when my own Hijab seemed tacky to me Nauzubillah, may Allah forgive me. I had friends of almost all types, but it was my failure that I could not increase my number of good companions.
It was just 2 years back, when I came across the Islam classes taking place around and since it was the beginning of Ramadan then, I thought, why not begin the blessed month with something blessed? And so I did. It was beautiful indeed and definitely blessed. I could easily feel how Allah found me lost and guided me. But what I forgot to take into account was Allah tests His favorite servants the most and that my actual journey of Imaan just began.
I was done with my A levels by then and university classes just commenced after the Ramadan. A new journey of life lay ahead. It went on quite well and I continued to balance both my regularity of classes at both university and Islamic halaqas. It was just after a few months that I started to drift away. The worldly work started to get me more occupied and my mind got more captivated by things around me.
For the next 1.5 years I definitely lived a beautiful life. A life so full of passion that I could not literally think of anything else at all! And I mean nothing at all! Slowly I started to put my whole focus on my work. Not that it was something bad, at least not until I realized where I lacked.
Things were going smoothly even 15 days before this Ramadan. If only could I figure out earlier where I was wrong, I would have probably been in a much stable and peaceful shape of mind than I am while I write this. But SubhanAllah, everything happens for a good reason. Slowly as Ramadan was nearing, I started to lose balance of my work, studies and everything. My grades fell, my quality of work started to weaken down and then there was this certain unrest that began rising inside me.
I could not understand any of it and the only feeling I went through was depression. It was interesting how my Ramadan began with depression, hypertension and loss of appetite. But this is when I went down in sujood during my 3rd taraweeh to ask Allah, “Why am I so upset, what went wrong, why am I losing it all? Isn’t it everything I wanted, my resolution for life? The crazy success I was running after?” and subhanAllah I soon started to answer my own queries. To be precise, Allah (SWT) started to show me the path clearly.
I began to go through online lectures and social media pages of different scholars and it was then that I came across few soothing lines; one of which was given by Sheikh Omar Suleiman,” When you forget that you need Allah, He puts you in a situation that causes you to call upon Him. And that is for your own good”. And what else could accompany this beautiful statement than the memory of the Halaqa I joined 2 years back that changed my life then. It was the time of Ramadan then and its Ramadan again. I was guided by Him then and once again did He show His mercy on me. I started to flip through the pages of Quran daily to find my answers of the turmoil I was going through and Alhamdulillah while I write this I probably cannot explain the satisfaction I dwell in now.
Indeed there is no favour of my Lord that I would even think to deny. With every passing day of this beautiful month I only find how lost I was in the charms of this world forgetting that the hereafter for the believer is more enigmatic and blessed. The Dunya grasped me so tight that I let go off my deen. What I forgot was Allah, the most Merciful, had never let go off me. What can be more precious for any servant to know that Allah hasn’t forgotten him/her?
My prayers now finally sound meaningful to me. And Alhamdulillah I have never felt such peace while reciting the Quran before. People pretty often say, there is always a turning point in your life. I don’t know if it was 2 years back when I first realized the importance of Islam in my life or is it my experience now. However, I pray to the Almighty that my Imaan remain as strong as it now when I am out of this Ramadan and the Shaitan is back to his job to deviate me from my path again. I pray that in my next fight I don’t let Allah down and push myself away from Him. I pray that this Ramadan be my true turning point of life inshaAllah!